Anger is often misunderstood, seen as a destructive force to be controlled or eliminated. But what if anger is not the fire itself, but the smoke? A signal that something hidden and important is burning beneath the surface?
We often believe anger flares up because we didn't get what we wanted. But the truth is more profound: anger is the desperate cry of a person who feels invisible. It's the moment when a person, unable to voice their true feelings, instead erupts with a show of force, hoping to be seen and heard. While it can become a habit, a default way of being learned in an angry home, its origin is always rooted in a deeper, unexpressed pain.
Beneath the fury, one will always find unexpressed emotions. These feelings are often locked away because the individual feels unsafe, either in their environment or because they were taught early on that such expressions are forbidden. When these feelings are constantly stifled, anger can fester and turn into rage, a more violent and exaggerated outburst. The more a person feels muted and unseen, the more intense the anger becomes, like steam building in a pressure cooker.
Anger's close kin is depression, a state born from the same source but with a crucial difference: the absence of hope. When the battle of being unheard feels lost, anger gives way to a profound sense of hopelessness. This is defeated anger—the moment a person finally gives up, causing them to sink into the quiet despair of depression.
The path to healing lies not in fighting the anger, but in learning to express yourself. As you begin to truly voice your feelings and emotions, the need for anger and depression will subside. This new openness will bring a profound sense of ease and will create a bridge of understanding between you and those around you. They, in turn, will feel safe with you, no longer bracing for the storm of anger, but ready to meet the real person beneath it.
BY
Mendy Tornek