A Healthy Marriage
Not every Marriage can work. It is not always the one or both in the Marriage who are to blame. The number one reason a marriage does not work, is because it never had a chance to begin with. There are only three core fundamentals which will allow a Marriage to last and be good. The first is, shared Core Values. The second is, respect for each other. The third is, a commitment to the Marriage.
Values
Values are the things one holds dear, close to the Heart. The things that one aspires to. That which one is proud to look back on later in life. It can be religion, achievements or anything in that vein. Once established that both parties share the same values, it essentially voids or diminishes any disagreements. The arguing becomes about the approach and completely steers away from what is the desired outcome. It is very easy to resolve disagreements, when it is a matter of logistics about how to achieve the same desired outcome. Alternatively disagreements over what is the desired outcome, can be very disruptive with no agreeable outcome.
Respect
Respect for each other is imperative. It is also a conscious choice one must make. It has been said respect must be earned. That is true on some level but not with Marriage. A commitment to respect each other must come first before anything else. If one waits to see if their spouse is worth respecting, they will discover that the answer will always be no. People always disappoint each other, it is inevitable. especially in a Marriage where two people come together as one and with each other all the time. If your spouse has to earn your respect, they will not be able to because there will always be a let down of some kind. So it is imperative that respect comes first and unconditionally.
Commitment
When we marry we are all excited, wrapped up in the enthusiasm of it all. We will say anything and believe practically anything initially. The commitment to Marriage does not really exist on a conscious level. It is simply something being done. Commitment however, is a whole other level to Marriage. If both are committed first to the Idea of Marriage independent of to whom they are married, that is the first step. Once a Spouse is found and married to; the commitment is stronger because the commitment came before the who. In other words, it is a commitment to the idea of Marriage not to the person. Once commitment is made, there is a stronger bond and force that helps one to be motivated to stay in the Marriage. Without the commitment, it is very easy to be annoyed and look for a way out.
By Mendel Tornek